Q and A with Dr. Ryerson #1
Dear Professor Ryerson,
Some people say that accounts of dragons in history are actually of dinosaurs that had not yet gone extinct. What do you think of this theory?
Sincerely yours,
Midge Worthington
13 yrs old
Omaha, Nebraska
Dear Midge,
Yes, some people do say that dragons were actually dinosaurs, but most of these people (sadly) really don't know what they're talking about. It is a painful condition to not know what you are talking about - you seem like a smart young woman, and I'm sure that, if you were to speak about anything, including dragons, you would realize what you were saying before you started speaking. Only a few people these days really do know what they are talking about, and these people most likely take this condition for granted, because they do not know what it is like to not know what they are talking about, and they are not familiar with the ignorance and suffering that is accompanied by this. But you my dear Midge, don't take your intelligence for granted. Show those who do not know, the true way of knowledge. Let them know that dragons were not dinosaurs, and give them my e-mail address if they have anything to say about it, and I will show them a thing or two.
In order to prove that this theory of nonsense, let's just go back to our highly objective definition of what a dragon is, and we shall ask ourselves:
- Is a dinosaur a large lizard or serpent? Yes…
- Does it have 4 legs, scales, a long tail, and large talons? Sometimes. We'll let this one go.
- Does it breathe fire? No.
- Can it fly? Sometimes.
Even though dinosaurs fulfill most of the main criteria for being dragons, they are still missing the most important aspect of all, which is the ability to breathe fire. Also, they do not match secondary criteria, such as intelligence, wisdom, in-depth understanding of human psychology, sophisticated mating rituals, or sleeping on large piles of treasure.
Specifically, with regard to the theory that dragons were dinosaurs, I would describe this theory in the following way, in alphabetical order: absurd, asinine, bizarre, crazy, excessive, exorbitant, extravagant, extreme, fantastic, far out, foolish, harebrained, impossible, incredible, insane, irrational, lamebrained, laughable, loony, ludicrous, monstrous, nonsensical, outrageous, ridiculous, senseless, shocking, silly, stupid, thick, too much, unbelievable, unreasonable, unthinkable, unusual, wacky, and wild.
In short, dragons are not, nor were they ever, nor will they ever be dinosaurs. Write this on a tee shirt and wear it around town. People will get it eventually.
Sincerely,
Vanderford Ryerson, PhD, DoD
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