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How to Befriend a Dragon

Although I cannot tell you exactly how to befriend a dragon (as dragons are as selective with their friends as humans are, if not more so), I can tell you how to establish initial contact.

When you spot a dragon, at or around its place of permanent residence, wait until it is dormant, and leave a roasted animal no smaller than a boar outside the entrance to its lair. Attach a note that says, "To the dragon that lives here - I have made this gift for you. Sincerely, (your name)."

Your note is short, sweet, and to the point. Although this seems trivial, the note is very important, because if you leave your gift outside the dragon's cave without the note and just stand there without saying anything, the dragon will think you are trying to mate with it, and will probably think you are strange or confused (see section on dragon courting and mating habits for further details). However, in addition to leaving the note, it is also important that you do not say anything to the dragon (if he or she is visible from the entrance of the lair). This shows that you are not being redundant (you have already said what you wanted to say on the note), and also that you know something about dragon introductions (dragons usually do not say anything to each other when they first meet).

Stay with your gift until the dragon sees you with it, even if you have to stay at the entrance to its lair all night. As soon as it gets a good look at you, you can leave, as the dragon will be able to recognize you again when you return.

After this first encounter, wait a week, then revisit the dragon's cave until it acknowledges you. Stand about 10 ft. away from the entrance. When the dragon comes out, if it liked your offering, it will thank you, and will then ask you what it is that you want. If you merely want to know some wisdom and then go about your business as usual, thinking that your contact with the dragon will be limited, then go ahead and ask it for wisdom. Dragons are usually good at giving answers that cut right to the chase.

If you want to know something more personal about the dragon, or wish to get to know it on a deeper level, confidently say to the dragon in response to its question, "I desire nothing." This will impress the dragon, as you will show it that you feel confident with your current level of wisdom, magic, and/or treasure, and that you don't really need its help with anything. This will intrigue the dragon, but to test your sincerity, the dragon will probably ask, "Well, if you do not desire anything, why did you bring me this gift?" Your next response will be, "Because I respect you." If you are sincere, the dragon will take your compliment, and thank you.

If you get this far, you've done good work. Dragons are wary of compliments however, as humans are known for using compliments in a tricky or deceitful manner, so the dragon will regard your act with some suspicion, and will be watching for you again within the next few weeks. So here is what you do next: wait about a month, and within that time acquaint yourself with the dragon's flying patterns and places that it frequents within a mile radius of its lair. A month after you and the dragon last met, you have to "coincidentally" be demonstrating your wisdom, magical abilities, or abundance of treasure in a location where the dragon "just happens" to pass by. Here are some tips:

1. Magic. This is the most difficult skill to master, but the most impressive to a dragon. If you can demonstrate in public that you know magic, you're sure to generate the interest of a dragon that is passing by. If the dragon approaches, don't say, "Hey, remember me? I left you that gift at your cave a few weeks back." This shows a complete lack of class. The dragon will remember you, and will not need to be reminded. All you have to do when it approaches is nod silently to acknowledge its presence.



2. Wisdom. This is the second most difficult thing to demonstrate in front of a dragon, but here are a few suggestions on how to do it. Maybe, when the dragon is flying overhead, you just happen to be
   1. Teaching a class on the nature of the universe to some philosophy students. Trouble is, you have to be teaching the true nature of the universe, as dragons are not stupid and will not be fooled by the regurgitation of some new age hodgepodge. So if you do indeed know the nature of the universe, you are bound to impress a dragon.
   2. Tutoring a student on the ways of life or giving genuine help to one who is in need.
   3. Reading a very large and obscure book on the nature of space, time, or the nature of the universe as a whole.
   
   
   When a dragon notices you demonstrating wisdom, you should acknowledge it, too, giving it one simple nod. When it approaches you, do not say anything, but look at it as if you are nonverbally saying "can I help you?" Oftentimes, a dragon will just sit back and observe what you are doing. If you are teaching a class, make sure your class is prepared for the encounter. Ask the dragon if it would like to sit in, suggesting that you are confident that you have something to offer. If a dragon accepts the invitation, then you had better be very confident with your wisdom at this point, so as not to make a fool of yourself. If you say something that the dragon knows, but that it would not expect a human to know, it will be impressed. If you say something that the dragon had never thought about, or perhaps if you attack a certain issue from a novel angle, the dragon will certainly be impressed by this also. If you have succeeded in impressing the dragon, it will wait until after the lesson is over, and will then formally introduce itself.
   
   In the case of tutoring a student on the ways of life, the procedure is similar. Basically, make sure your student is prepared to meet a real dragon, and keep him or her focused on the lesson at hand when the dragon approaches, as if nothing unusual were happening. Acknowledge the dragon's presence with a single nod, say "I will speak with you shortly, but for the moment my friend here needs assistance," and continue tutoring until the lesson is complete. The dragon will be impressed with your investment in the wisdom of another, and will probably begin talking to you.
   
   In the case of reading a large book, chances are the dragon has already read it, or is at least familiar with the material. When the dragon approaches you with interest, acknowledge its presence silently, and show it the cover of the book you are reading. If the dragon is familiar with it, but does not expect you, a mere human, to be acquainted with such esoteric material, it will most likely be impressed. Wait for it to start the conversation. Usually it will ask you how you are finding the book. You respond by saying something like "Well, I understand x and y," at which you explain x and y, which are hard-to-grasp esoteric concepts, and then you will say, "Although I am having trouble understanding z." This is the starting point of your first conversation and subsequent friendship with a true dragon. Congratulations.



3. Treasure. If you do not have any magical powers, and your wisdom is only average, then you are left only with treasure. Your best bet is to find some rare artifact that you can show off while you are walking through an area that a dragon happens to pass by. If the dragon notices your treasure, it will introduce itself and ask you what you want for it. If you have access to many such items, maybe you and the dragon can work out a long term business agreement.
   
   Treasure is more useful for forming business relationships, but not the best at forming friendships per se. However, if you can exchange your wealth for wisdom or magical powers, you can then use these to impress other dragons. You just have to be innovative in your approach. Innovation is really the key to meeting and befriending dragons.

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